Jokes

Level:

Advanced

Category:

Vocabulary Exercises

Group:

Public Vocabulary

Please select the best answer for each of the questions below:

 
 

1 - Did you put the cat out?

a - Sleep on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
b - No. I didn't know it was on fire.
c - No thanks. I like it the colour it is.
d - He must have been insane.
e - I agree with both - I think she's pretty ugly.
 

2 - A man jumped off a bridge in Paris.

a - Because its capital is always Dublin.
b - I'm having a light lunch.
c - He must have been insane.
d - He made a grave mistake.
e - No. I didn't know it was on fire.
 

3 - Why can't you play jokes on snakes?

a - Terrible
b - Because I'm a poor player.
c - You cannot pull their legs.
d - He must have been insane.
e - It gets hopping mad.
 

4 - Would you like your palm read now?

a - No thanks. I like it the colour it is.
b - Sleep on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
c - No. I didn't know it was on fire.
d - Please be quiet or else everybody will want one.
e - I'm having a light lunch.
 

5 - "My dog has no nose." "How does it smell?"

a - No. That would be stupid. You'd get really cold with no clothes on.
b - Terrible.
c - No thanks. I like it the colour it is.
d - No she decided to go by herself.
e - Thanks. I've had a smashing time.
 
 

6 - My uncle is a millionaire but he never washes.

a - Sleep on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
b - He must be filthy rich.
c - No thanks. I like it the colour it is.
d - He must have been insane.
e - Because I'm a poor player.
 

7 - Why do you ask spectators for money when you play football?

a - Because I'm a poor player.
b - He must be filthy rich.
c - Terrible
d - Hit your head hard against the window and the pain will disappear.
e - Because the parrots eat them all.
 

8 - Get out of my house. You've broken all my plates.

a - Hit your head hard against the window and the pain will disappear.
b - Because the parrots eat them all.
c - He must be filthy rich.
d - Sleep on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
e - Thanks. I've had a smashing time.
 

9 - "My wife has gone to the West Indies." "Jamaica?"

a - Terrible
b - He must have been insane.
c - No she decided to go by herself.
d - It gets hopping mad.
e - Thanks. I've had a smashing time.
 

10 - How can I stop this headache?

a - No. I didn't know it was on fire.
b - It gets hopping mad.
c - Hit your head hard against the window and the pain will disappear.
d - I'm having a light lunch.
e - Sleep on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
 

11 - Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

a - Please be quiet or else everybody will want one.
b - Terrible
c - Thanks. I've had a smashing time.
d - Because the parrots eat them all.
e - No she decided to go by herself.
 

12 - John thinks Allie is pretty and Simon thinks she's ugly. Who do you agree with?

a - Terrible
b - You cannot pull their legs.
c - Because the parrots eat them all.
d - Hit your head hard against the window and the pain will disappear.
e - I agree with both - I think she's pretty ugly.
 

13 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

a - Terrible
b - No. I didn't know it was on fire.
c - I agree with both - I think she's pretty ugly.
d - It gets hopping mad.
e - Please be quiet or else everybody will want one.
 

14 - Why are you eating those electric bulbs?

a - Hit your head hard against the window and the pain will disappear.
b - No she decided to go by herself.
c - Terrible
d - Because the parrots eat them all.
e - I'm having a light lunch.
 

15 - Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?

a - I agree with both - I think she's pretty ugly.
b - You cannot pull their legs.
c - No. That would be stupid. You'd get really cold with no clothes on.
d - He made a grave mistake.
e - Because you can always see through them.
 

16 - Have you ever hunted bear?

a - No. That would be stupid. You'd get really cold with no clothes on.
b - No she decided to go by herself.
c - Because I'm a poor player.
d - Because its capital is always Dublin.
e - He made a grave mistake.
 

17 - Why did the undertaker lose his job?

a - Because its capital is always Dublin.
b - I agree with both - I think she's pretty ugly.
c - Please be quiet or else everybody will want one.
d - He made a grave mistake.
e - He must be filthy rich.
 

18 - Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

a - Because its capital is always Dublin.
b - Because I'm a poor player.
c - No thanks. I like it the colour it is.
d - You cannot pull their legs.
e - No. That would be stupid. You'd get really cold with no clothes on.
 

19 - What's the best cure for insomnia?

a - He made a grave mistake.
b - Sleep on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
c - You cannot pull their legs.
d - No. That would be stupid. You'd get really cold with no clothes on.
e - Thanks. I've had a smashing time.
 

20 - How do you know when a kangaroo is angry?

a - I'm having a light lunch.
b - No she decided to go by herself.
c - Please be quiet or else everybody will want one.
d - It gets hopping mad.
e - Terrible